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Comic Relief ‘Celebrity Big Brother’ 2006/01/19

Posted by Dave in Reviews.

Some people are too snobby for telly, let alone Big Brother. Other pretend not to watch. But I am not too bothered by all that. I keep an eye on popular culture from a safe distance — watch the odd show, scan the headlines, and get the gist of who’s who and what’s what. I know who Posh and Becks are, more or less.

However, the fourth annual Celebrity Big Brother for Comic Relief has lost me. Who the hell are these people?

It kicked-off with a daft wee lassie called Jodie Marsh. I have never heard of her, nor am I familiar with her work. She’s apparently a glamour model, although in my honest opinion, she looked rather strange to me; her teeth were obviously false — dazzling white and perfectly even… just like everybody’s granny. I haven’t seen such teeth since I was last in the Post Office on a Pension Day.

She reminded us of the Child Catcher from the film ‘Chitty Chitty Bang Bang’.

Anyway, there was a big fight. A very unusual ‘person’ called Pete Burns had been wearing a real fur coat — made from monkey or gorilla or something. Jodie Marsh said she disapproved of real fur — a fair enough point on a fun, light-hearted, charity-fund-raising television show.

However, the result of this was that the girl was hounded out of the house by a record number of nominations and the public vote.

The trouble was that by the time she made her view known, she had already established herself as a careless and vindictive gossiper of celebrities, an insensitive big mouth, a self-centred and self-obsessed judger and arbiter of all.

Thus her statement regarding Pete’s fur was in a different context — and so, instead of a general outcry against Pete’s fur, it was taken as yet another thoughtless and vindictive comment. She could not (and probably still cannot) see why this happened.

She had bad-mouthed celebs outside — and they may even be watching the show — and her mistake was to be seen to bad mouth on on the inside. She dug a huge hole and her fate was sealed.

It has since transpired that she’s a spokesman for an anti-real-fur lobby group, a vegetarian, and a pro-animal-rights group member. However, she’s dumped all that and is now set to go around schools to talk about ‘BULLYING’ and victimisation!


I could not believe that the real-fur debate was not raised by the media outside, and not driven home by Jodie Marsh now that she was free to speak without fear of interruption.

Well, imagine my surprise when I came across this…
Rodman anti-fur

It turns out that Dennis Keith Rodman was the first man– and the first sports star — to pose for PETA’s ‘Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur’ series, which has featured Pamela Anderson, Kim Basinger, and Christy Turlington.

Fur is Dead.com states: “When the 1.98m basketball legend, whose own ‘Dennis Rodman Foundation’ helps the homeless, heard about PETA’s program that donates thousands of castoff fur coats to homeless shelters across the country, he instantly agreed to pose for the cause, explaining that furriers have pushed free furs on him over the years and he’s always refused to take them — he only wears fake fur.”

Well, immediately, I was aghast and surprised that Dennis Rodman did not support Jodie Marsh against Pete’s fur. Rodman was therefore intriguing… but I found his web site D Rodman.com unhelpful. A quick scout about and I found out that he’s been on loads of TV shows, appeared in quite a few films, and made his name as a basketball player in the United States of America. He was famous for something called a ‘rebound’ and for changing his hair colour a lot, tattoos and body-piercings.

He is presently married (to Michelle Moyer) with two children, but he had two wives before that and, according to The Smoking Gun, he was arrested by Miami Beach police in November 1999 and charged with assaulting his wife, actress Carmen Electra, however the charges were later dropped. Before that he was married to Annie Banks.

I didn’t know any of these people (although I had a vague recollection of Carmen Electra from a Prince gig) — I found out that Carmen Electra was indeed associated with Prince and Paisley Park and that she was in ‘Baywatch’.

Maybe that’s what is going on between Dennis and Traci Bingham — Traci (Julie Anne Smith) was also in ‘Baywatch’, although it seems not at the same time as Carmen Electra. She went to Harvard University for 3 semesters, is engaged and is a vegetarian.

Now I am really puzzled! Why did Traci and Dennis not side with Jodie on the Real-Fur issue? Jodie and Dennis are members of prominent anti-fur lobby groups, Traci and Jodie are vegetarians and glamour models, but Traci has the educational credibility denied Jodie, and as an African-American would also have had some support from Dennis — plus Dennis and Traci knew each other beforehand.

Well, maybe it was too early in the run, maybe Dennis and Traci were keeping out of things being guests, perhaps they felt less well-known than the others. Who knows? Maybe it’s a coloured thing.

The ‘coloured thing’ came up today, when Faria Alam declared that it would be impossible for a coloured, American or Asian to win the show. This led to a heated debate within the house, and probably resulted in Faria’s eviction by public vote.

Faria was a secretary who got a job working for the Football Association, and she rose to infamy simply by having an affair with the English International football team’s coach, a Mr. Eriksson.

In many ways she was similar to Jodie Marsh — she felt more infamous than famous, and that she wanted to use the show to get across a different view or to set the public record straight — and both seem to have been unsuccessful. They seem to prefer to be seen as the unfortunate underdog, the minority, singled out and picked on. Victimise me!

Before, During and After, Jodie insists that everyone’s got her all wrong, and no-one’s seen the real Jodie yet.

Faria was famous for being a gold-digger for using Mr.Eriksson — and seems to have attempted to repeat this seduction with the very rich and sports-connected Dennis Rodman. She has a racism chip on her shoulder, and this ignited Traci… this is that Traci who is proud to have been the first African-American female to appear as a regular on ‘Baywatch’ — the biggest TV show in the world at that time.

Traci wants a chance of winning, and Faria suggested that they is no chance of that happening on racism grounds!

The racism arguments today outweighed the burgeoning romance between Faria and Dennis and the real fur issue. Faria was evicted by the public over Pete and Dennis.

Then there’s Michael Barrymore… Once a popular TV presenter and gameshow host, it all went wrong when he ‘came out’ as an homosexual — throwing away his wife and family, he was too frank and cringingly embarrassing and sincere about it all. People just wanted a ‘normal bloke’ — one of us, only cheekier and funnier… and then all-of-a-sudden a dead poof was found in his swimming pool and his house was full of class A drugs. The coroner brought in an open verdict (nearest thing in England to ‘Not Proven’), and Barrymore fled to New Zealand with a male lover to get over alcohol and substance abuse.

He’s on Comic Relief Celebrity Big Brother to start his ‘come-back’. His real problem is that he thinks his downfall started with the dead poof in the pool, when in fact it started when he ‘came out’ and we all felt duped.

What we’re getting now is Barrymore as we saw him when he ‘came out’ that closet — frank, weak, tearful, vulnerable, sad, forlorn, repentant, askant… and all the things funny TV personalities should not be.

This old man should have learned to separate the private persona from the public one, the sad for the happy mask. He has funny moments in the house, but because of the general sadness about the man, we cannot let go and push past a grin — and that’s a shame. On top of that we know (while he doesn’t) that he’ll be facing the courts over the dead poof in the pool when he leaves the Big Brother house!

Let’s get something straight (pun intended), Graham Norton, Boy George, Pete Burns, all are accepted as homosexuals by the British public. Norton is a funny poof, and that’s great. Barrymore was so straight is was sore. No-one could have been further from being a poof than Michael Barrymore. He doesn’t suit being a poof. There’s nothing of the poof about him. He’s not even very muscular or manly… just normal… and that’s the trouble. People like to know what’s what and right from the start. Barrymore has not even had the decency to start wearing heels, makeup or a dress!

Pete Burns looks like a white Grace Jones. He’s from Liverpool, and somehow that gives him the right to be cheeky like John Lennon. He used to be a singer in a band called ‘Dead or Alive’ who were one-hit wonders years ago. he has been hideously disfigured by failed plastic surgery, and cannot move certain facial muscles. His face is therefore like a death mask.

If there’s room for another Lily Savage, then Pete will do well from this show as long as people don’t mind his real furs. Overt homosexuals always do well on Big Brother — they seem to be more fun to watch than ordinary people, especially when there is no potential for romance.

Actress Rula Lenska is unlikely to win as she seems to be a dithery old soul who wanders about the house talking down to everyone with a plummy, lovey, trained voice. She’s probably thinks the Big Brother house is an old folks home, poor old soul! She’s not sexy, motherly, funny, informative or entertaining. She’s just there commenting and making us cringe because of what she says!

George Galloway, a member of the British parliament. Not just a man, a whole party in fact. We’ve been cringing about Gorgeous George for as long as I can remember. Left Wing? With those cigars? Name-dropping like crazy. Nelson Mandela this, Fidel Castro that… Does anyone think Nelson Mandela is boasting to anyone that he knows George Galloway?

Why is he there? He should be attending votes at the commons on behalf of the people in his constituency that voted for him. Are we getting a better idea of what a politician is really like (pompous, bossy, superior etc — oh what a surprise!)? Do we care what he or any politician is like? Is he entertaining? (no) Informative? (nope). Embarrassing? (yes, oh yes) — this is ‘car crash TV’ — just like Barrymore… we shouldn’t watch this stuff, we really ought not to.

Rapper Maggot from hip-hop act Goldie Lookin’ Chain, is as far from hip-hop street cred as you can get. Seems like a nice lad, but a celebrity? A winner? No, I don’t think so! He’s removed any street cred his band may have had!

‘Singer’ Samuel Preston, of ‘The Ordinary Boys’ shares a house with his girlfriend, yet he’s been flirting, chasing, cuddling and kissing with Paris Hilton lookalike Chantelle Houghton on live national TV. It is possible that Preston could win, but the 4/6 favourite to win is Chantelle who was planted by Big Brother — a fake celebrity.

The public might like to vote ironically — a non-celebrity to win Comic Relief Celebrity Big Brother! On top of that, Chantelle looks to have the best post-show gossip magazine story — becoming a Celebrity in her own right (as winner), her friendship with Jodie Marsh (contacts etc), and the possibility of a relationship with Samuel Preston… who may ditch the girlfriend and whose band might garner some success as a result of the publicity.

These three together are a formidable team — young, good-looking, lots of appeal, able to sell products and work with the media. Some people are saying that Chantelle will live up to her fake persona by actually forming a real group called Kandy Floss and releasing the record she mimed to to con her fellow housemates. If that happens, then the sky is the limit.

Maybe the public will confuse Big Brother with Pop Idol and vote for a number one single.

I really do think the losers will be Barrymore, Galloway and Maggot — they’ll all wish they hadn’t done the show.

Pete Burns will do better as a result of being on the show.

If Dennis does not cheat on his wife and follow things up with Faria, she’ll fade away. Rula Lenska will fade too — but perhaps she’ll get some stage work along the way. Traci seems to have some agenda, perhaps raising her profile for a fitness video, health food line, lingerie or clothes — or perhaps she’ll be presenting some satellite TV show from London. Who knows. She has definitely raised her profile in this country… as has Dennis. They must have some sound reason for doing this show, only time will tell.


1. juan pablo - 2007/01/17

por favor quisiera que me mandaran los tenis de dennis rodman los que sacó en el 98´son los que traen le sol de su tatoaje al costado y abajo en la suela y además trae su numero 91 en la parte de atras del tenis; son negros con rojo y blanco.

por favor contestenme a mi correo o aunque sea mandenme la foto de ese modelo para que yo lo busque en diferentes tiendas. se los voy a agradecer mucho ya que soy su fans desde que utilice esos tenis.

juan pablo vazquez morales

mi correo es: tiodepeque@hotmail.com

2. Celebrity Big Bother « devine - 2007/01/21

[…]cross ref […]

3. Claire - 2007/12/13

Wow, you were quite accurate with your predictions. Preston married Chantelle, but they recently split up. She did very well out of winning the show and is now a celeb in her own right. Pete Burns has done well as he is on tv a lot. Barrymore got arrested for that murder all over again the rest have all faded back into obscurity with most of them lying low and waiting it out, probably wishing they had not done the show.

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